so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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