am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We got so high we made milksteak
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
