I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
