I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
