You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
