when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
