Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
