What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
