can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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