So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
