Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
