I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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