Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
