Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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