God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
