I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
