Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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