you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
