I think i peed on brittanys purse
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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