Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
