whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
