after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Houston, we have a squirter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
