im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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