Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
