we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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