I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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