thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
