My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
