She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
