Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this boner is exhausting
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
