Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
