You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
