this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
