I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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