it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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