I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
