I need help removing her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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