last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
