Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
