HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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