doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
