We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
