Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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