If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
