In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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