i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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