I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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