how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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