You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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