Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
