come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
