Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
